Back and Hungry

I have been gone for so long but it's time to bring it back.
Here is a fast update...
I got engaged ( yeah to marriage)
I graduated from grad school
I got a job
I moved to Indiana
I went through training
That brings me here. Life has been crazy and the weeks memories a bit hazy but that is a update... So now that we are up to speed... I have gained about 5lbs and I have all the sad faces in the world...
I have upgraded from a size 2 to a size 4 in a rather embarrassing way. I bought some skinny dress pants at the gap about two weeks ago , Yesterday I decide to try them on for size.  They fit so I thought... I went to meet with some people and I felt a breeze between my thighs... I bust right out of those pants in a meeting. I know no one else notice but I was hella embarrassed. I crossed my legs the whole meeting and walked rather awkwardly to the car and then to my apartment to change... can we say hot mess.

Here is the situation. With my job I have 20 meals a week free. FREE I SAY! The food is really good and it is all you can eat. The first  month I did exactly what the meal plan suggested. I ate all I could thus the sudden 5lbs of weight gain ( which it may be more however I refuse to get back on the scale). Thing about it I feel totally uncomfortable. My skin feels tight... not feeling this extra weight at all. It is a total of 20lbs more then I weighed last year. This is not the business.

So  I am not a person who complains without finding some solutions to help with the problem. I have talked to some people who have successfully lost weight. They told me to change my eating habits. To stay away from breads and pastas, and anything made with white flour. They also told me to stay away from sweet drinks, which is easy for me because I only drink water.  I tried that today ... I missed breakfast I need to get better with that ... but getting up at 7am is not the business. For lunch i had a wheat peanut butter sandwich, a load of veggies, and water. For dinner I had a salad with olive oil and fruit. I also snacked on tortilla chips and guac. My people, My people. I am freakin' starving! STARVING! I AM SO HANGRY ( angry +hungry).  How can I lose weight , maintain my weight, and be full...  I can't do grains or protein shakes because they make me gag completely ... yuk! I need help , I am taking suggestions.
I plan on working out more, but I am deathly terrified of the gym ( that is another day another dollar). I am putting myself on a 365 wedding bang body challenge... but I need to do this in a matter where I feel comfortable , full, and happy... and today I am none of those things. Taking suggestions as I go search for a snack... I AM BACKKKKKK!

The Fall of A Healthy Evita

So I guess the question is where did I go wrong. Just last summer I was playing in two softball leagues, Zumba clasess 3 days a week, only fruit and water were used as soft drinks and snacks. I was on a roll. Then life happened. My humanity was utterly disregarded by someone whom I thought I loved but loved only himself. I lost my job, and with that my life changed. I did begin a relationship with my new future husband , but to be honest for a while I was just going with the wind, and even though I had a fulfilling relationship with someone who loved me, I ultimately felt some sort of way almost like a failure about myself.
As I got into my final turn of graduate school I begin to feel quite inadequate. I compared myself to all of my peers who had all of this experience and I had well minimal. I was for the life of me always comparing myself and putting myself below others.
Now what does this all have to do about me and healthy? I that sounds like a bit of a ramble I know. Yet it is a big sum of the whole. When I was most unhappy everything about me reflected that. I have always been that way. My mood is great I am the healthiest, cleanest, neatest , most fun person ever. However when I feel inadequate I find myself failing to achieve in so many other areas.
Life has changed for me. I have a great a masters degree, a great job, and I am getting married! My overall life is pretty awesome, because even though I found myself less God always found me more. Yet through all of this I have learned a lesson. Life happens to us but we can't let it change us. Our Happiness controls so much about us and around us, and if we aren't happy it will reflect in everything about us.  Now the major things are taken care of for now, I need to  handle this body of mine... because if I am not able to enjoy these things then what are they really for... you feel me ! I hope ya do!

Introducing

This blog...........
I always wanted to create a blog.One that was relevant and wasn't as cliche as well, you know of all the cliche blogs about. I didn't want to do anything about hair, because hell what do I know about hair except how to make mine pretty enough to walk out of the house, and that usually includes a shower, a moisturizer, a shake and a roll, not that serious at all. I pondered of what seems like years of started and failed attempts of blogs and vlogs on nothing really , because I just wanted to have a blog just cause... because I felt I had something really awesome to say , but I really couldn't quite figure it out. Also due to the fact whilst very random I am very short in my thoughts and I didn't ever have more then a few lines to say ............ but I digress.
I have found myself after recently getting engaged on April 8,2011 sadly out of shape, terrible eating habits, and not quite in the body I want to be in. People look at me and see this skinny chick, and people associate skinny with healthy ... well let me dispel the myth my brothers and sisters that is not true. I can not walk up a flight of stairs without feeling like I am in cardiac arrest. I am battling some acne issues due to unhealthy habits, and contrary to popular belief I have gained weight, and my pants are fitting mighty snug. Now I am person who realizing when things are getting out of control. I don't know how people get from a 2 to a 22 and not know how they got there. I know for a fact how I got from this 2 to a 4 in a matter of months and I am not happy with the choices I have made. Which include, being absolutely lazy and never working out, never ever eatting breakfast, a lot of time missing lunch, and pigging out between the hours of 12am and 3am in the morning. Last week for lunch I ate , bubble gum, pop rocks, and caramel corn. Yes my people this is the life I am leading and I want and need to change. I want to get in the habit of changing my life for the better and becoming an overall healthier me, mind,body, and spirit.
The purpose of this blog is simple enough. It will chronicle a year in my life of my journey of now one month post engagement until my wedding day. That gives me a complete year and two weeks to change my habits and get it together. I hope you join me, and we can learn together.
I will be posting things I have learned, recipes, my struggles, and my success.
I hope you join me on this journey.